This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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