Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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