In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
