hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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