Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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