The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
