I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?