Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
