you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
