guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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