Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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