She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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