I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
