you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
