you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
