Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The Olympian is in my bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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