ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
