never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i need some magic done to my vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
