ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
