We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
