you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
