what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
