Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
