he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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