I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
