what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
