a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
