When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
