I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
