If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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