i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
