Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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