are you so shy because you have an std?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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