I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize