i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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