Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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