I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
