it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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