We won't sleep together?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
