im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There's always time for handjobs
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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