No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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