I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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