i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
