We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
