Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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