What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize