Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
