all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
