the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
