i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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