Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
