He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
