I cockslap morals
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
