Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
