Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
