My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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