yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize