theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
