are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
